Dear teammates, I love you, promise

Dear Megan,
I'm glad you don't end every sentence with "that's the way it is in California" anymore, but you are still one crazy woman. Your extreme pickiness exceeds the no-gluten diet and makes me... irritable. Although I said I had, I have not yet put breadcrumbs in your bed, but I reserve the right to think about it every time you are excessively girly, Californy, or hyped up on starbucks, which is every day.

Dear Lindsay,
You started off strong, but have fallen from grace. Your pigheaded extremely Alpha personality pushes past all bounds of tranquility. I see that your desire to learn is so greedy that you will trample anyone else in your path to be the one to get the job done. I can deal with that, except when you later look down on those you trampled past with an air of should-have-tried-harder. You're strong no doubt, but nobody is flawless.

Dear Ashley,
You really were a disappointment at the beginning of this year, so I was glad when you hit yourself with a hammer today. Not that I like to see you in pain, it was just that if you were hurt it means you were trying and even though hurting yourself was the only thing you did all day at least for that moment you were swinging a hammer instead of leaning on it.

Dear Matthew,
Thank you for not driving me crazy. Of all the people on my team, you are one of the few I could spend a long period of time left. Unfortunately that leaves me in a position, likely that since you don't drive me crazy that I must be driving you crazy. Yes, I have a phone that I play with all the time, and yes I never clean my side of the room, and this is who I am. Thank you for understanding these things.

Dear Dow Jones Industrial Fund,
I take shots of Jim Bean to your demise. May the asian market succeed you, and may all American banks falter. just kidding!

Dear Zar,
Stop saying "just kidding" after everything. If you are always kidding, then I don't know who you really are. Some movies I care about and will discuss with you (Ender's Game) and some things I just don't care about. Not all sentences should start with "I" or "in my corps year" because it seems pompus. Finally, stop coming on to me. I'm not sure how serious you are, but any level of that is disturbing.

Dear Keri,
I love you. Nuff said. We bonded fast, and I'm so glad. Sometimes when I see someone for the first time I say to myself, "They don't know it yet, but I'm going to be their friend." Not only was it like that with you, but in our training I said that about a lot of people who turned out to be your friend. I'm not sure what that means, but I do know that you make me comfortable in being myself. You are one of my prized teammates.

Dear Jordan,
I didn't know you, and it took some time, but you've grown into this amazingly zoned-out girl who doesn't quite speak English correctly. Charming in its own right, you say anything on your mind, grammatically correct or otherwise, and it's very refreshing. Thank you for not eating salmon because of the environmental affects, you're stronger than I.

Dear Erin,
Thank you for telling me I hit like a girl, because now the real therapy can begin. Since we started getting into brawls to rival Edward Norton and himself, a lot of my aggression has been filtered lovingly to slaps, scratches, bites, tackles, and pinches. I don't know what I would do without you.

Dear Krystal,
I hope you stick through the year, but you're attitude has got to get better. Don't give me your Defeated face anymore, because I will continue to turn a blind eye. We are all homesick, sore, ill, tired, and irritated at everything now, but you show it more than any of us. This must stop. On the upside, I'm glad you're reading Harry Potter, I'm excited for you.

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P.S.

Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you for the letters the comments the phone calls and everything. I know I should call home more--I'm forgetful. Call me whenever you feel like it, I'll be glad to take a minute out of my workday/night to talk to you.

Dear Dwight,
Your birthday presents now have a box (see below), and will be shipped soon. If my presents get to you before yours get to me, I will throw a royal fit, likely destroying something I love in the process which will cause me great pain which eventually will turn to a depression of sorts. I warn you, I may turn to the bottle, leaving me too inhebreated to call, write, or send love to you and your dogs.

Dear Annie,
Oh my god. Thank you for the Lollypops. I can't wait to show up at the Garden with a couple glow stick pops. Who's gonna be the talk of the town? Seriously, if I have to quite smoking, it's good to know that my teeth will still turn yellow from sucking on sugar. and I'm sorry I missed your birthday! Happy birthday to my godmother, I send you good vibrations.

Dear Twins,
I'm so upset I can't be home for the start of your high school years. Miranda: you know what to do. Charlotte: You do the same thing, but different. Thank you for the book recommendations. Keep 'em coming. Something Non-fiction?