The Tower

I feel the need to recant one of my earlier posts. In one of my moods I had written letters to each teammate, blowing small peeves of mine into huge issues. I guess in trying to be funny I could lead a reader to believe that I really hated these people which just isn't true. Yes, I even love my dumpy team leader, although it's very hard now.
He and Lindsay had been fighting the aggressive-aggressive on passive-aggressive war, and last week it came to a head. Lindsay was repremanded and eventually the unit leader came out to Des Moines.

Alison: Would you all agree that emotions are running high today?
We had been told Lindsay might go home, prepared a full argument on her behalf (I had the introduction and the part about how it feels to work next to Zar: uncomfortable) so we replied simply, "yes."
Alison: Would you say Cedar Two is broken?
This question was a little iffy since the only member we had a problem with was Zar, but still we replied, "yes."
Alison: Are you willing to do what it takes to keep this group together?
This was too much. Smart strong possibly pigheaded Cedar Two asked the unit leader to elaborate.
Alison: to keep the team as it stands in this room, are you willing to work with us to do what it takes.
Cedar Two said yes. Lindsay stood on the edge of the room, with one foot in the kitchen. If Alison had foresight I would say that was a damn dirty trick, but I won't give her the credit.

I drove the whole way, my own therapy. We still had the weekend before our meetings, so we did what twenty-somethings do: saw a cheap movie, celebrated a teammates 21st birthday, sang terrible karaoke. I sang More Than a Feeling, Sweet Caroline, Two Princes and one I didn't know, but that didn't stop me.

Last night I had an open reading with my tarot, and several things popped up. The teamwork card, the headstrong card, the wanderering fool, and in the future position The Tower. Any major arcana card holds a lot of weight, The Tower represents a great sudden change. The two figures on the card leap from their stone fortress as a lighting bolt strikes the highest point sending flaming rubble down behind them. Erin watched me study the cards. "This one doesn't look good," she pointed to The Tower. "Every card is good," I said, "you just have to look at it the right way. The sudden change could be a good one. You have to wait and find out."

Today we had meetings, but before any of them, Lindsay was told she'd be moved to another team. So much for keeping the team as it stands "in this room." Alison did or didn't listen to us in turn before the group meeting. By that time Keri and Jordan had turned in their resignations. At the team meeting Ashley and Matt followed suit. After the meeting Krystal and Lindsay turned theirs in. On the ride back to Des Moines are 4 people, but Megan stays only to finish her time with Habitat for Humanity. Erin and I will probably be absorbed by other teams, hopefully together, as Cedar Two is wiped from the books.

In the Conclusion position of my tarot was Justice, another major arcana card. I don't see justice in what has happened, but right now I'm not focused on the long view. I love my team and it's killing me to move on without them. I know I'll see them again, but I've been robbed of my time with some amazing people, worse, by their own hands. I only wish them the best, and pray to see them down the road.