Christmas

So it's been a weird one.

It's also weird being around the people who read this. Self-editing? Bump that.

This Christmas recession won. Everybody was feeling it over at Keith and Marlene's when Alyssa and Nicole opened presents around the other grandchildren who didn't. I tried getting out of it. First I was going to volunteer in the city, to help at a soup kitchen, too bad Sam quit the program and she was POC for heading that up. Grrr. Then I was sick, everyone's sick, you're sick, he's sick, but I was ill and I wasn't going. But then I went. I watched Arrested Development for hours and then a two hour special on Barack Obama's history. Family? yeah.

So then for a good deal of the break I do what I've done the last couple years, I got increasingly desperate for companionship and looked to the internet for comfort! YaY! It helped that I was accepted to a few sites that previously didn't think I was fit (goddamn gay sites are so clicky), or not fit. I found people in Chicago, in New Orleans, in Cedar Rapids and we chatted. These people usually blend together in my head until I can't remember who I told what to, and I'm surprised when strangers message me to ask which team of Americorps I'm on.

Tonight I'm going to see Milk. Thank god. Something that will make me feel better about my choice of lifestyle. I will say nothing more of this except if your God is one that disapproves of his own creation, then next time tell your God to not make me the way I am, but this time I say, "Fuck you." :o)

The beginning of this trip was weird too: Andrew invited me into his home (I'm not sure he told his parents I was coming), and played video games most of the time I was around. I did go to a concert in the city which was intense. Highlight? There it is.

I got out a while today. Dad took me to make Christmas cards, and I got away from the computer and into the real world. I stalled in Utopia, the goth/smoke shop, feeling not so crazy. Around black lights I recharge.

For a moment I thought, "What if I don't go back to the program." If I can think it, others can. My bet is 4 don't board their planes back to Vinton, and 2 fail the drug test. I don't want to be one of those people who leaves, and I hope I'm not.

I'll be home New Years Day now. I wonder if I should tell Cedar 2 that I'll be around. They'll want me to meet them in the city or something... worth it?