Real[ity] Starts Today

I'm Jude-I live somewhere, maybe where you live. It's been 33 years tomorrow since I slept but it's not as bad as you might think. As long as you've got a knack for forgetting things it doesn't seem like that long at all.
Today I even forgot my name, Jude, for a moment and it was so spacious swimming around in all that white and shadow, with nothing to hold me down not even a word. It came to me in snaps, Matthew (why Matthew?) Matt Moore George Julian Joseph--Jude!, and then I even remembered where I was and there was no more white. But there was light, colored light everywhere surrounded in green, and it wasn't where I was but what it was, something tall and furry was... standing, that's the word, standing in front of me and I touched it and it felt good. The fur wasn't soft, but sharp and it was strange, the good feeling, it stayed good and good and good then got softer but never faded all the way out to nothing. I looked at my hand and it was wet. The wet went from hand to pants where its still apparent, and a little darker, even.
"You look like you know," she was upon me. A little thing with beady circles in her face staring up at me from under her gray hat. She was holding a box which she offered up to me, why? again; I took it instinctually. The lid came off with three jerks.
"So use it already!"
Such a frightful little thing she was, her beads growing larger, less round, the same with her hat, pointy in the front and off the side, at a 34 degree angle (just guessing!). I already didn't want to look at the long black thing in the box with the tail poking out the back and the face full of holes, but, touch it, she said
"touch it"
so I did and it was smoooooth. I closed my eyes for a second just to know how it feels, one does this when one forgets the feel of things one might imagine. [Chrissy a couple computers over just said "There's this secret hidden waterfall if you walk from campus" suddenly, how surprising, but anyway] It was heavy in my hand this thing, and instinctually, which is so important when you forget things!, I brought it to my mouth and it asked me to speak.
Tell me your secrets, it was saying, though not really, and I knew if I told it the things I didn't yet know I was holding back then something would happen. You can't remember? No, but I have a feeling and it's the feeling that makes my mouth open and a sound come out:

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And I'm released, and fall, and forget.